Somebody clearly hasn’t slept much lately. Luckily it’s our gain, just make sure they aren’t allowed near heavy machinery anytime soon.
Advice to a Juice CEO:
High fructose? I don’t judge. Maybe that fructose is going through something right now and needs to be high. Maybe it’s prescription. Better than bank robbery fructose, am I right? Put that on the box. Say “It’s better than bank robbery fructose.” And genetically modified- I don’t even know what that means but I have so many genes in my body and all of them want to be modified by a juice box right now. So thirsty.
Juice CEO, I don’t want water. I spent 9 months floating in that. I’m very familiar and know what it tastes like. There’s a reason it’s free and drops right out of the sky; it’s boring. I want to drink something that stains my face. When your juice leaves colors on my teeth it’s like it’s signing the yearbook of my mouth, you know?