LRB · classified

Another good reason (my first being close proximity to Paris) to move to Britain. Here, I thought the book from my previous entry was a collection of rarities, but they’re almost always this fun. Fwah.

In laboratory tests, this ad made seven mice blind. The remaining three, however, developed extra-sensory powers and the ability to levitate. You could too, by replying to ex-communicated biologist and psychic-mouse groomer (M, 39) at box number. 24/01 Or you may just go blind. It’s a 70-30 shot but you can’t halt progress.

My success as a lover is matched only by my success in the field of astronomy. Man, 37. WLTM woman to 40 with eyes as big and as bright as those stars that come up over by the trees opposite my house at about 9pm every night, then every 15 minutes or so. You know the ones. I call them the Regular Magic Tree Stars. They may be comets. Or planes. Or something. Whatever. Write, we’ll have sex, you’ll love it. Box no. 24/03

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